mindset | Diary of a Swole Sister

Change is as good as a holiday….

Posted on December 21, 2015 by smpowell87

Top Left – 3 months ago, Bottom Left – end of October, Right – Mid December

It has been a hella long time since I have posted on the blog, and well, I’m not really sorry. It has been a very interesting, fun, challenging, emotional and crazy three months full of change, growth and a little bit (ok, a lot) of self loving.

So where to begin? Well, let’s start with my appearance at the PTC Novice Powerlifting comp during October. With the encouragement of my coaches Craig and Kitty, I decided to channel my focus on a lifting comp, which up until the day, I had very mixed feelings about. There were probably a zillion times where I changed my mind about whether or not I wanted to actually turn up on the day. From previous posts, you would have seen that I am quite possibly my harshest critic and I put so much pressure on myself to perform and not choke and just do my bloody best (…chill dude, it’s a novice comp). In the end I decided to go through with the comp, mainly because it made me uncomfortable. It sounds redic, but I am a firm believer that pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is the best way change and challenge yourself. Competing was definitely an experience and it taught me a couple of things.

It is amazing how much nerves can impact your performance. Overall I missed two lifts because I was not concentrating on the refs calls. As someone who is so used to just lifting in a gym, it is hard to adjust your behaviour to lift on certain calls.
The environment that you train/compete in can be incredibly supportive when there are common interests and goals. I met some lovely people on the day and it blew me away how supportive everyone was. I didn’t really know anyone yet, whenever you stepped up for a lift, people would cheer you on an encourage you. If you failed a lift, it was the same.
With competing it doesn’t matter how well you lifted the day before, weeks before, or how many PB’s you have hit in the past. In the end it comes down to how you perform on the day. If you aren’t feeling well or your head isn’t in the right space or you have niggling injuries, all of these will have an impact on your performance. The important thing to remember is that this one competition also doesn’t define you as a person.

For those interested, I placed second, not that I ever thought I would walk away with a placing. After the competition, I pulled up with niggling injuries, a lack of motivation and was dealing with the fact that I had put on a solid 8kgs post “comp prep”. Mentally, I was struggling 100% to deal with the weight gain and continued to emotionally binge eat and had almost zero desire to train. It got to the point where I literally couldn’t even deal with the thought of being in a gym, even though I made an effort for a couple of weeks to turn up. I would use every excuse under the sun to not train “oops, I left my gym towel at home”, “I am so busy with work”, “I am really tired, I will go in the morning”. I would even sit there cleaning and wiping down the gym equipment to avoid the next set. One evening, I was sitting in the car park of a convenience store at 9pm, eating multiple chocolate bars, crying to myself because of the situation that I was in and at that moment, I knew something had to change.

Enter Kitty and the NuStrength “Popping the Food Bubble” program. For nearly twelve weeks, I have been on an incredible journey that has left me questioning everything I thought I knew about nutrition (which, wasn’t exactly a lot) and the massive impact that certain foods and hormones and behaviours have on my body. In addition to educating myself, I have had a massive shift in mindset towards nutrition, training and life in general. I have learnt to take the good with the bad, and accept that the journey I am on will not happen overnight. There is no quick fix and where I am today is only temporary. Yes, I may not be as lean as I was 6 months ago, however since that night in the car park, I haven’t had a binge eating episode (that is 2.5 months). I have learnt that you need to nourish your body from the inside out. Years of dieting and putting my body under stress has damaged my metabolism and this will take time to heal. I may be 8kgs heavier and this has taken time to accept, however I have so much more confidence in myself and my body image and I feel as sexy now as I did 6 months ago.

I have taken some much-needed time out to rest, recover and reset. During that time I have focused on my work, which has seen me kick some massive goals which I am really proud of. I have been able to spend quality time with my family and friends and enjoy food and alcohol without the nagging guilt of off plan foods and in addition re-assessing my goals for the future. Tomorrow I am back to the gym and I am excited as hell to start lifting for pure enjoyment.

Word Crush Wednesday #0002

Posted on September 30, 2015 by smpowell87

“The route to world-class is a messy, chaotic, gorgeous, terrifying, fulfilling, brilliant, confusing ride. Not easy. But easy is overrated. Give me hard and demanding anytime, for that’s where growth lives and that’s where our greatest rewards lie. I want to be totally spent by the time I am done. No point in dying with your gifts still within you” – Robin Sharma

Mindset Madness

Posted on September 25, 2015 by smpowell87

“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I do not have it at the beginning” – Mahatma Ghandi

I have mentioned in my previous blogs that my mindset is my biggest challenge and my greatest weakness. It is something I am committed to strengthening on a daily basis. It isn’t an easy task by any stretch and it is going to be something that takes many, many years to master. The truth is, your thoughts control your world. If you constantly let negative thoughts and past experiences enter your mind, you will continue to be burdened by them. I am guilty of many of these thoughts, just this week I was reminded of negative feelings and thoughts caused by an ex when I ran into them. I often have negative thoughts enter my mind about the person that I used to be – the overweight unhappy one. My financial situation will remind me of questionable life choices that I have made. It is inevitable that these will constantly be with us, however what is in our control is how we react and deal with those thoughts, because lets face it, if negative thoughts were on our mind all of the time, we would be bloody miserable!

So, I thought I would share a few of the mechanisms that I am putting into place to help mould and strengthen my mindset. Obviously these aren’t for everyone and it comes down to whatever works for you:

Reflection: is something that I make time for each evening. I take literally no more than 10 minutes a day to sit down and evaluate what worked well in my day, what didn’t work well and what I did to progress towards my goal. For me the majority of this is focused around my competition prep and training. It helps me identify patterns and triggers for behaviors that are stopping me from getting to where I need to be.
Reading: knowledge is power. I am currently reading a number of books which are helping me to really identify my goals for the future, and mechanisms that I can put in place to foster the right mindset. These include: MegaLiving! 30 days to a Perfect Life, 21 Days to Master Success and Inner Peace and The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari. These have all been recommendations from my Comp Coach.
Hot Yoga: I am making an effort to get back to practicing hot yoga at least twice a week. Not only does this help to improve my flexibility and recovery, it is something that I enjoy so very much. Yoga has been a part of my life on and off over the past 5 or so years. The benefits of yoga go far beyond the physical for me, it provides me with the opportunity for my body and mind to come together to challenge myself mentally with my thoughts, push my body in a safe environment and enter a state of utter relaxation.
Positive thoughts and affirmations: this one is a little newer to me and something that I am still not 100% comfortable with, however, I am noticing massive shifts in my mindset and self perception. There are a number of things that I remind myself when I wake up and go to sleep at night, as well as reinforce if I am having negative thoughts or I know I am about to fall off the wagon with my nutrition or if I am struggling to find motivation to train. Some examples are: Food does not control me. I eat to fuel my training because I am an athlete. A number on a scale does not define who I am as a person. Food does not fix how I feel – it is not a solution to dealing with emotional trials. This is my lifestyle, not a diet, this is how I eat on a daily basis. I am not deprived of anything. This is my choice.
Mission Statement: as part of my readings and goal setting actions from MegaLiving! 30 days to a Perfect Life, I had to write my own Mission Statement. I usually cringe when asked to write anything like this and it took me FOREVER. However I didn’t stop until I had finished. For some reading this, it will sound ridiculous and just isn’t your thing, and that is ok! But for me I found it to be quite a valuable task. I will share mine with you, in the interest of making myself accountable to activity, and I challenge you to sit down and do the same, you might be pleasantly surprised!

My mission is to become a strong, confident woman with integrity and compassion. I will lead an incredible life by attaining a resilient, focused mind. A strong body in a constant state of peak wellness both physically and mentally which I will use to educate and coach others seeking to be the best person they can be. I will have an amazing partner, family and supportive friends with a professional career that enables me to turn my lifestyle into an income that generates great wealth. I will be patient, courteous, genuine and loyal to myself and all of those in my life. I will live my life to the max with absolute passion and energy.

Word Crush Wednesday #0001

Posted on September 15, 2015 by smpowell87

“You can always take the easy way out and give up, but real strength comes when you decide to keep pushing forward no matter what the circumstances are.” -Unknown

Welcome to Word Crush Wednesday – where I share one of my favourite quotes, sayings or even just a random thought. So here is today’s one.

Happy Hump Day.

Image: 18 Elements

Fail to plan, Plan to fail

Posted on September 1, 2015 by smpowell87

My week this week is INSANE to say the least. Work is 150% demanding as hell – the project we have been working on for months has finally been implemented and as with all projects there are teething issues. There is an incredible amount of post go live work that needs to be done going forward. On top of this I have my everyday operational stuff to complete. Because nothing is ever easy, my job is about to advertised, so I need to update an 8 year out of date resume and respond to a full application process including selection criteria (gasp, it has been 8 years since I have had a job interview. Cue panic?!)

Additionally, I have all of my usual commitments to my training, coaching sessions, meal preparation, my study and for fun I am about to undertake a 12 week “Popping the Food Bubble” Program (if you want more details, give me a yell!).

Pretty much every minute of every day is planned out to ensure I get everything I need to get done. I have to do lists plastered all over my room, my desk, in my phone and anywhere else one might find a to do list. Tonight I managed to finalise two of those eight selection criteria and the rest of the evening I spent prepping three full days of meals so I have ABSOLUTELY no excuses to miss a meal and eat off plan.

So, I thought I would share some of the things I am doing to ensure I am on my A game this week and everything I need to get done, gets done!

Time Allocation of Non Negotiable Tasks: Ensure time is set aside for the non-negotiable tasks. For me these are meal preparation and my job application. I have split the job application into smaller chunks that I can attack throughout the week. Meal prep I have split up into two big cook ups so that frees up more time in the evenings during the week.
Work: I have to haul my ass into my place of employment every day to get paid. I am trying to get errands and other small tasks done in my lunch break like paying bills, returning phone calls etc.
Training: I have decided my training will need to take a slightly lesser priority this week. Essentially I need to focus on my job application to give myself the best chance of being appointed. The higher paying job in the end comfortably supports the lavish lifestyle that I have become used to. Bodybuilding is not a cheap sport. If my nutrition stays on point, things will all be OK. I also for the first time don’t feel guilty for making this decision. In the past this would have caused a lot of angst and anxiety. I do have a permanent gym bag packed in my car for any last minute changes and if I end up having time 🙂
Study: this one is penciled in for the weekend, given that it is self paced study I have the flexibility to delay this (just not for too long!)

The key to success will always be planning and organisation. Sometimes you have to make short term sacrifices (like your own sanity) but the hard work is worth it in the end.

As you think, so shall you be

Posted on August 31, 2015 by smpowell87

It’s no secret that I have difficulty seeing myself the way that others see me. Unfortunately, I believe this is a by-product of the years of low self-esteem, a lack of confidence in my ability to do just about anything and destructive relationships that have made me doubt my self-worth.

I have read some articles over the years that have indicated that there is often a delay in alteration of body size perception as it changes with weight loss. I’ll go with an example here. I believe to grow, you constantly have to be stepping out of your comfort zone. I recently had a photo shoot for some blog photos done. I won’t lie, the thought of doing it made me physically ill. Being in front of a camera makes me uncomfortable as hell, but if I am going to get up on stage in front of hundreds of people in the next 8 months, I need to get used to it. Fast forward – see some of the photos and my initial reaction is “wow, I actually look like that…..” and I am not talking in a positive manner. One then spends hours analysing photos, picking every. single. negative. thing. apart. It doesn’t matter what other people say or think about those images, deep down inside my brain still sees images of an overweight, unhappy girl.

It is not OK to think like that. It is destructive, hurtful behaviour that leads to self sabotage. My commitment to myself going forward is a promise to stop thinking and saying those hurtful things about myself because I am no longer that person. Remember that saying, fake it till you make it? Well, maybe we need to give that a little more credit.

A quote from my wonderful comp coach Cheryl, who I admire and respect so much “Your mind is everything, as you think so shall you be. You are a product of your own thoughts. So think empowering, successful, positive, energising, fearless, loving thoughts. Because you will become what you think about.”

I am a figure athlete, I am strong, I am committed, I am passionate, I will achieve great things, I am courageous, I am focused. I am inspired. I am beautiful, I am amazing. I am a champion. I empower those around me. I am me.